Early morning ramblings..

I’m not a great sleeper and haven’t been for a number of years. I don’t have a problem drifting off to sleep, and in fact I can actually fall asleep within ten seconds some nights. Very annoying for my other half who could be having a conversation with me at the time. It’s the staying asleep I struggle with. If I get a solid block of sleep it’s been a good night, and a lot of days I’ve survived on about 4 hours solid sleep. I’d actually feel worse if I got 8 hours as my body isn’t used to it! The shadows under my eyes have become more regular than I would like though, and concealer has definitely become my best friend and lifeline.

So here I am. It’s 3:35am and I’m wide awake. I wouldn’t go as far as bright eyed and bushy tailed (my eyes are mega sore and watery right now from staring at spreadsheets all day, so they can in no way be described as bright…), but I’m awake nonetheless. I’m up to date on my news app and of course social media has been thoroughly checked, and am now watching Hot Fuzz in a bid to help me fall asleep (FYI, I can’t for the life of me fall asleep in silence. I have to have something going on in the background to help me drift off. Tonight’s choice was Worlds End (yes, I really like Simon Pegg!), which I managed to last through the opening dialogue before I was in the land of nod). My problem is that my brain is overactive. I get a little snippet of a thought appear in my mind and before I know it I’ve got all sorts of crazy nonsensical scenarios playing out in my head that just won’t shift. People always say to write things down if they’re playing on your mind, and I always intend to but I’m normally so grumpy at the fact I can’t sleep, that my notes would probably end up being a sweary rant rather than anything remotely useful to me the next day. The more annoyed I get about being awake, the less I can sleep. 

This is my first middle of the night blog post so I promise I will proof read it for any mistakes but I will apologise in advance if any slip through the net…

I’ve been having odd dreams lately. I mean, most of the time my dreams are weird anyway and tend to be vaguely relating to something going on in my life at the time. But the last few dreams have been really odd. Last night I dreamed that I had stayed in a hotel, and my entire dream consisted of me attempting to find somebody to waiver a parking charge for me?! Part of me thinks this is linked to a complaint I’m going through with British Gas at the moment, and I’m not sure what any dream dictionaries would make of it if I’m honest!

My dream tonight took me back almost a decade to when I had ended my relationship with my ex. Not too sure why he’s suddenly popped up in my subconscious, and I’m not happy about it at all if I’m honest. Some things are definitely best left in the past so I hope this isn’t going to happen regularly. The good thing about my overactive brain is that it must get bored of dreams so I tend to only grab a snippet of a dream before it changes into something else.

 So there I am, having an odd text conversation with my ex at Christmas time (something that didn’t happen in real life so why is it happening to dream me?!) then suddenly I’m in a recording studio with a band I’ve recently joined!? I don’t even want to be in a band. Don’t get me wrong, I love singing. I sing a LOT. It must infuriate my other half because I sing along to every single song I hear around the house, including every single advert on the tv. Yesterday I had the song from the Flash advert in my head all day. And I probably will again now too, seeing as I’ve mentioned it..

I used to be in the choir at school and loved it, but that’s as far as it goes. My performing days are officially over. It took me 8 years to sing in front of my other half and even that was by accident. I’m in the kitchen cooking away, happily singing along to my Spotify playlist (clearly not realising how loud I was being). I then get told that my other half heard it all. Mortified. I used to sing in the car with my sister on long journeys but that’s different. Singing the Lion King soundtrack as a child is a bit different to singing my heart out to Whitney as a grown adult. I try not to be too self conscious about singing since this incident, but I would never be so brave as to join a band, as much as dream me clearly wants to.  

Music is so important to me. I can’t get through the day properly unless I’ve listened to at least a little music. Music soothes the soul, and there’s something out there for every mood you’re going through. My Spotify playlist is random beyond belief. I used to split it into different playlists for different moods, then I decided that if I was feeling down, it might be nice to have a good old mix of music genres and it works pretty well. 

Of course, there are times I can listen to the same song on repeat (usually Ed Sheeran I must be honest), but then other times it’s nice to just put the playlist on random and see what happens. My other half thinks I’m mental. He says he likes my playlist but I think some of my music choices have made him question if he actually knows me after all. 

I guess they say you can tell a lot about a person from their playlist. Or is that shoes? 🤔 either way, I’m proving to be a true indecisive libra from the wide range of music genres I listen to. My playlist currently has just over 1000 songs on it, and it increases by the day. So every time we hear a song when we’re out and about, or watching a film, I say “this is on my playlist!” And my other half says, “well there’s a surprise…” and does some serious eye rolling at me. I can’t help my music taste – if a song really grabs me then it goes on my playlist! Maybe one day soon I’ll put together a blog where I can share some of my playlist with you all. 😊

Right, as it’s now 4:25am and my achey swollen eyelids are starting to feel a bit droopy, I’m going to take the opportunity to try and grab a couple more hours kip. I’ll proof read and publish this when I wake up…

Thanks for reading the early morning ramblings of a mad woman (hmmm that’s a good blog name come to think of it…), I hope you don’t think I’m too off the rails! 😬

Peace out and sweet dreams 😘 xxx 


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